I was in Marshalls combing the racks for Christmas presents for my family when it came on. Over the store speakers, Bing Crosby sang, “I’ll be home for Christmas.” Right there, in the household section among non-stick pans and fancy table settings, I started crying. I’m pretty sure I put my hand over my heart, as if it would burst if I didn’t hold it inside my chest cavity.
It was the first Christmas without my dad, and I felt physical pain from missing him. That song—an old favorite that once simply evoked the promise of togetherness over the holidays—had taken on new meaning. It meant loss. I would no longer be going home for Christmas.
As the holiday season approaches, many of us feel the familiar excitement of gathering with family, friends, and loved ones. But for those who are grieving, this season can carry a different, quieter weight—a reminder of someone who isn’t there.
For those experiencing loss, the empty chair at the table is a poignant symbol. It can mean so many things, but it always stands as a physical reminder of changed circumstances—whether due to death, divorce, or other life changes. Our hearts feel the weight of it all. The person who was once “ours” is no longer here. Their absence can feel especially heavy during a season when we are “supposed” to feel merry and bright, yet we feel anything but.
If you’re struggling with grief this season, know that it’s okay to feel out of step with the festivities around you. Your emotions are valid, and they deserve space to breathe.
Navigating the Holiday Season with Care
When the chair’s emptiness is due to death:
When the chair is empty because of a death, finding symbolic ways to honor that person can help create meaning after their loss.
• Create a small ritual to honor the one you’re missing. Light a candle, prepare their favorite dish, display their picture or a treasured object, or set aside a moment of silence to hold their memory close.
• Ask family members to share a favorite memory. Embracing these memories can help carry the sadness a little more gently and allow others to share their feelings about the loss.
• Don’t be afraid to cry it out. Loss is painful and the feelings you are having are surfacing for a reason.
I recall vividly crying-while-laughing one year as we told stories about my father’s many eccentricities—and there were plenty. It was exquisitely painful and sacred all at once, a critical part of my grieving journey. Your grief story is yours to write. Let it incorporate the full range of human emotions.
When the chair is empty due to separation, divorce, or similar loss:
It’s okay to shift traditions to reflect where you are now. Create new customs that honor both your loss and your healing. Allow yourself the freedom to explore what feels right for you this year.
• Indulge in a physical symbol that represents this transition in your life. Let it stand as a reminder of your resilience and strength in facing changed circumstances.
Give Yourself Permission:
It’s okay to say no to invitations that feel emotionally overwhelming. You don’t have to attend every gathering or meet every expectation. Choosing smaller, quieter activities can create the space you need to find peace.
Reach Out for Support:
Grief can feel isolating, but you are not alone. It is a shared human experience, and support from others can help ease the burden. Speak with a trusted friend or family member, join a support group, or connect with professionals who can offer guidance and comfort. LCL offers counseling at no cost to you, including grief support.
Finding Moments of Grace
Grief during the holidays is complex. Some moments may feel heavy with sadness, while others may bring unexpected warmth or even laughter—and that’s okay. The journey through grief isn’t about erasing the empty chair but learning to live with it, and eventually, gently honoring the memory of the person who filled it.
I can now write about the loss of my father, something I once found too hard even to speak about. And now, he—not me—comes home for Christmas… but only in my dreams. I am thankful for those visits.
By Sarah MacGillis, LCL Outreach Director