Day 4: Connect: Social Well-Being
Building connection, belonging, and a reliable support network. Contributing to our groups and communities.
I recently wrote an article for the Minnesota Bench & Bar about the dangers of loneliness and isolation, What I’ve learned about loneliness, isolation, and the legal profession through my recovery. I commend the article to you. Here are a few of the important points: (1) 40% of Americans feel lonely some or all of the time; (2) law is the loneliest profession, (3) isolation and loneliness are associated with an increased risk of heart attack, stroke, and diabetes as well as depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders. The opposite is also true. Better connections lead to better physical and mental health outcomes. So, what are we to do?
When confronted with big problems we often conclude that only big solutions will work. But each journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step and is completed with the many individual steps that follow. The same is true here. Incremental shifts in our behaviors over time can have significant impacts. So maybe the solution isn’t that we need to start planning a huge dinner party with our friends (though that is a great idea). Maybe the solution can start smaller.
When my law partner and I decided to move out of downtown, one of my concerns was finding a coffee shop where I could consistently get a dark roast in the afternoon (I only drink dark roast if I can help it). I happen to like Caribou Coffee (the self-proclaimed coffee snobs can spare me the eye rolls – I like what I like). I started to frequent a particular Caribou location in Maple Grove. If they didn’t have a dark roast in the afternoon, they would make me a “pour over.”
When I came in, I would chat to the baristas, asking about their weekend plans, their career aspirations, their families, their hobbies – and they got to know me, too. I came in one afternoon with my daughter and asked for my usual dark roast. They would need to do a pour over as they didn’t have a dark roast on tap. One of the baristas that I had gotten to know fairly well smiled and asked if I knew about the “stash.” She proceeded to show me and my daughter a container behind the counter with dark roast grounds and an attached note that said “for the dark roast guy.” I was delighted. My daughter turned several shades of red.
The moral of the story is that it often pays dividends to be nice. And it costs us nothing but a few minutes of our time. That is all it takes to make a connection. As it happens, that particular location closed. I miss those people even though the relationship was only on a casual business level. I hope that I gave them some good moments in return.
Long deep philosophical discussions with a close friend are wonderful. Brief interactions around your coffee order with your barista can be wonderful, too. After all, what is life but a series of brief interactions over time. Why not make as many of them as pleasant as possible. You just might get the dark roast you want.
So, meet a close friend for coffee. Talk about life. While you’re at it, have a casual conversation with the barista. Ask them about their day and thank them for their service. It will be good for your mental and physical health.
-Jon Tynjala, Client Services Director